Monday Jun 16 2014
Last night 7 million people watched the "Game of Thrones" season finale. Seven million people. That's one viewer for each "Game of Thrones" character.
The World Cup is underway. A lot of World Cup soccer players have been faking injuries to draw a penalty from the other team. Meanwhile, a lot of Americans have been faking following the World Cup.
Pope Francis has pledged to remain neutral during the World Cup. When asked why, the Pope said, "I picked the Miami Heat and look how that turned out."
I had the best Father's Day I've ever had. It was my 10th Father's Day, and my wife and my son were so sweet on Sunday morning. Rather than rushing in and waking me up, they were kind enough to just let me sleep it off.
Over the weekend, President Obama got his annual presidential physical. His cholesterol is up and his approval rating is down.
Obama wants to lower his cholesterol, but Congress is blocking him.
The doctor said Obama passed his physical. That's the first thing he's passed in the second term.
Some Northern California counties want to form a separate state. They smoke a lot of weed up there. What would you call a state based on marijuana? Toke-lahoma. Flori-duh. How about Spliffs-consin? Dela-weed. New Hemp-shire.
"22 Jump Street" is a new buddy cop movie. That's been a Hollywood staple for years. They've given us pairings like Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker, Mel Gibson and the voices in his head.
"22 Jump Street" stars Channing Tatum. I love Channing Tatum. And he's got range. Even his name Channing Tatum could be anything from an action star to a servant on "Downton Abbey."
"Star Trek" is a successful film franchise. It's easy to forget it started as a TV show — unless you're like me and you know William Shatner. Then you never forget because he always reminds you.
Tonight we're joined by the newly crowned Stanley Cup champion Los Angeles Kings. And they brought the Stanley Cup with them. You know, it's easy to forget that these tough, gritty, heavily bearded guys are playing for what is essentially an oversized piece of dinnerware.
Last night the San Antonio Spurs really pounded the Miami Heat in Game 5 of the finals. They are now the NBA champions. Miami was so far behind in the fourth quarter, they tried to pull their goalie, but then they realized they don't have goalies so they gave up.
Americans spend more than $1 billion each year on Father's Day gifts, which sounds like a lot, but it's only about 10 bucks a dad. Thanks for nothing. I'm a father. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm a little bit upset.
My kids once gave me a mug declaring me "World's Greatest Dad." Then yesterday I saw some other guy with a mug that said "World's Greatest Dad" on it. I was duped.
Last night the San Antonio Spurs beat the world champion Miami Heat to win the NBA title. You could tell the Heat players didn’t have their heads in the game, especially when some of them left to catch the season finale of “Game of Thrones.”
LeBron James had 31 points, 10 rebounds, and five assists in the Heat's loss to the Spurs. While his teammates had, uh, a lot of fun out there.
President Obama just had his annual physical, which showed that he’s suffering some pain in his right foot. When asked why he doesn’t get it treated, Obama said bitterly, “It’s not covered by Obamacare.”
Alex Trebek has broken a world record for game-show hosts, after hosting 6,829 shows in his career. When asked how he's made it through so many shows, Trebek said, “What is Scotch?”
Congratulations to the San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs are NBA champions after defeating the defending champion Miami Heat in five games. The Spurs celebrated today by treating themselves to an extra-long practice.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West this week turned down $11 million for the rights to publish their wedding pictures. Which can only mean one thing: Someone offered them $12 million.
A new study shows that men who carry their cellphone in their pocket have a sperm count nearly 10 percent lower than those who don’t. While men who keep their cellphone on a belt clip don’t need to worry about it.
Over the weekend Starbucks announced a new program that will pay employees to take online classes at Arizona State. Said Starbucks employees, “We already went there. That’s why we work at Starbucks.”