Donald Trump unveiled his immigration policy and now he's getting a lot of flak. His policy would have prevented his own grandfather from coming to America. That explains his new campaign slogan: "Vote Trump to prevent another Trump."

Donald Trump is the grandson of German immigrants. Don't worry. The last time a German guy with crazy hair took over a country, everything turned out fine.

Jeb Bush cheated on his diet and had a fried Snickers bar, pork on a stick, and a beer. Jeb Bush said he ate it so at least he could see some of his numbers go up.

A company is developing an elevator that can take you into space. Don't you hate it when you're going to Jupiter and someone gets on the elevator and presses "Mars"?

For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over today. The pencils are sharpened. The taters have been totted. Do you know it's illegal to send your kid to school without posting a picture of the kid with a backpack?

Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die.

There's boxing news. Floyd Mayweather defeated Manny Pacquiao and since that night over 30 lawsuits have been filed alleging the fight was a fraud. People are demanding their $100 back on the grounds that Pacquiao didn't reveal he had a shoulder injury until after the fight. They're Pacqui-outraged.

I was there. I paid a lot more than $100 to see that fight. But I can personally attest that it was real. It was a real boring fight, but it was a real fight. Listen, if we could sue every HBO event that was a letdown, everybody involved with the new season of "True Detective" would be in jail right now.

Apparently President Obama’s favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, “On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.”

According to a new poll, Jeb Bush saw a 6 percent drop in support after the first debate, but experts say he still has a shot because he's “likable” and “qualified.” Then Donald Trump said, “Weird, the opposite is working for me.”

The White House is worried about Joe Biden's potential run for president, and a source says they fear that it wouldn't have the right outcome. That's right, they think he might win.

This week the Obama administration warned China to remove its secret agents from the U.S. Then in the middle of Obama’s announcement a plant behind him got up and walked away.

Donald Trump told reporters yesterday that it would be very easy to round up all undocumented immigrants. But remember, this is the guy who couldn't even round up real celebrities.

A new CNN poll shows that Carly Fiorina has pushed Chris Christie out of the top 10 for the Republican nomination. Unfortunately, she threw her back out doing it.

A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn't list prices, but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called "This Space for Rent."

Google has announced that the next version of its Android phone software will be called Marshmallow. It'll be similar to the last version but with s'more features.

Steelers linebacker James Harrison made his sons return two school sports trophies that they received just for participating. He said, "These trophies will be given back until they earn a real trophy." Why do I feel like James Harrison would be the first dad to volunteer his kids for "The Hunger Games"?

When I was in school, I used to give myself a participation trophy. It was called a Snickers bar.

Now that I'm a father it's more complicated. When my son and I race, I let him win. So now he thinks he's really fast. I don't have the heart to tell him that anybody can beat me in a race.

The first time my son went to the bathroom by himself, my wife and I applauded wildly. Now I'm afraid that when he grows up and goes to the restroom he's going to ask the guy in the next stall for a little applause. So I agree with James Harrison. We should be able to exist without constant praise and know that achievement is a reward in itself.