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Monday Oct 22 2012

The Tonight Show Starring with Leno

So far for Halloween, sales of Obama masks are 30 percent higher than the sales of Mitt Romney masks. That makes sense. I mean, what's scarier than four more years of this economy?

Tonight was the third and final presidential debate. The good news? Tonight was the third and final presidential debate.

The debates made it to three episodes. That makes it NBC's most successful show so far this season.

One in every seven people on the planet now owns a cell phone. You know what's even more amazing? That when I go to the theater, I never sit next to any of the other six people.



The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney hold their final debate in Boca Raton, Florida. The topic of the debate is what is more shocking to see in Boca Raton, a Mormon or a black guy.

Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney debate foreign policy. Pundits say it will be close, but it will probably go to the candidate who wore the "I killed Osama bin Laden" T-shirt.

Donald Trump says he will reveal big news about President Obama on Wednesday. Trump said he would have announced it sooner, but faking a Kenyan birth certificate is harder than it looks.



The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

In New York City, a good indication that it's autumn is the Yankees are cleaning out their lockers.

The Yankees had trouble in the play-offs. Here's the problem. Derek Jeter broke his ankle and could not play. The other part of the problem is Alex Rodriguez didn't break his ankle and COULD play.

Pundits are saying Mitt Romney won the first debate, and the second debate probably was won by President Obama. Whoever wins the third debate, held tonight, will meet the Tigers in the World Series.

Latest polls among registered voters show six percent are undecided. Pick one, come on! Those are the guys you see in the Baskin-Robbins asking for free samples.



The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

Today is the last presidential debate. It was moderated by newsman Bob Schieffer. I think he did a great job, but gave too much time to "candidate you disagree with," and he didn't let "the guy who should be president" respond to those "outrageous lies or important points, depending on your point of view."

Lance Armstrong was stripped of all seven of his Tour de France titles. Everyone here should be proud. Congratulations. You've all won the exact same number of Tour de France championships as Lance Armstrong.

Armstrong said he doesn't have the energy to fight this decision. But his lawyers said that will probably change once he takes some more steroids.

News from Hollywood is they're going ahead with a sequel to "Snow White and the Huntsman." The entire cast is returning — all the dwarves except Dopey. This time Dopey's going to be played by Lance Armstrong.



The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

The final presidential debate was held tonight in Boca Raton, Florida, and was moderated by 75-year-old Bob Schieffer from CBS News. That’s right, 75 years old — or as Florida residents call that, “a tween.”

Donald Trump said he has a “very big” announcement about President Obama that could cost him the election. Yeah, he’s going to endorse him.

Donald Trump has a big announcement regarding President Obama. Apparently he has evidence that Obama was born in “Romnesia.”

French President Francois Hollande has promised to ban schools from assigning homework. Seriously? That’s not a European president’s platform — that was my 9th grade student council platform. “I’m gonna do away with homework, and put RC Cola back in all the vending machines!”


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