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Wednesday Apr 17 2013

The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

President Obama offered to wash senators' car if it would lead to an immigration bill. Senators then told Obama, “If you're going to wash our cars, why do we need immigrants?

Jon Hamm recent appeared on an episode of "Sesame Street." It was the first time toddlers were able to plant their moms in front of the TV and ignore them for an hour.

In a recent interview Robert Downey Jr. confirmed he was paid $50 million to star in "The Avengers." Now the Hulk is really angry.

A Fragrance company has come out with a cologne that smells like whiskey. It's perfect for the guy who wants all of the stigma of alcoholism but none of the fun.



The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

Daffy Duck is 76 today. I like Daffy Duck. He is much edgier than Donald Duck. Donald Duck may not wear pants, but Daffy Duck doesn't wear a thing. Nothing!

Daffy is set apart by his bad attitude. He doesn't care if people like him. He's kind of my hero. He is right up there as one of my favorite cartoon characters, right up there with Scooby Doo and Joe Biden.

A few years ago, Warner Brothers tried to reboot Loony Tunes. They changed Daffy's name to "Danger Duck." That happens when executives try to change things. CBS wanted me to dye my hair, but I said, "No way, man." I'm not bowing down like some kind of slave to the corporate agenda. Which reminds me, is it time for commercials?



The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

It was revealed today that someone sent President Obama a suspicious letter containing the poison ricin. It's a deadly poison made from beans. They said it's the third worst substance you can send in the mail behind anthrax and packing peanuts.

Federal law enforcement agencies say they believe it's from the same person who sent ricin to a Republican senator yesterday. At least he's bipartisan.

A man in New York City is convicted of stealing more than $376,000 worth of copy machine toner from the law firm he worked for. They're known for their work with big corporations and investment banks, and also for not ever having any toner in their copier.

Adrian Rodriguez pleaded guilty to second-degree grand larceny. They caught him black handed.


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