Many Americans are closely following longevity research at Google’s California Life Company (Calico) in an effort to prolong their existence, when what they should really be doing is getting tips from the 74–year–old Walmart greeter.
And please, save the condescension. Don’t think of him as desperately clinging to a job where he’s forced to smile at potential Trump voters as they shuffle into the store, because he can’t afford to buy cigarettes on Social Security.
Your neighborhood greeter could be a volunteer Chrononaut pushing back the frontier of death one yellow sticker at a time.
It’s all a matter of scale. Calico’s mission may indeed be to “Disrupt Death!” but we’re talking a long time horizon that may finally be reached long after we’re gone. While the greeter is just trying to hang on until his grandchildren graduate from high school and he can be useful to us right now.
His secret, whether he knows it or not, is work.
Researchers at Oregon State University studied data from 12,000 participants in the Healthy Retirement Study. They concluded that working past age 65 may serve to extend your life — even as the “golden years” recede into the distance.
A mere news summary of the study is causing ripples throughout America. Many husbands are concluding their wives may not have their best interest at heart. It could be ulterior motives are behind urging hubby to take early retirement and “enjoy life to the fullest.”
Researchers began by looking at what happens if participants in the study worked just one year past age 65. This tells me two things. The research team isn’t composed of economists and they don’t know much about Social Security.
In today’s America everyone my age who wants to collect the full Social Security benefit works past age 65, because retiring before age 66 is considered “early retirement” by our benevolent government and it reduces the size of the check.
The longer you can work, up to age 70, the bigger your monthly Social Security.
The benefits of dragging yourself out of bed for even one extra year extended to the healthy and the unhealthy alike. Healthy individuals working that extra year reaped an 11 percent lower risk of death and the unhealthy were close at 9 percent lower.
What’s more, if you can resist the lure of the sofa after work and get some exercise you may live even longer, although there is a chance you’ll suffer from chronic fatigue. The rule of thumb has always been one hour in the gym equals a two additional bonus hours in the assisted living home.
Broadly speaking that’s true, however the type of exercise is also an important variable.
The Daily Mail reports on a study that compared “moderate physical activity” with “vigorous physical activity” among a group of 3,454 test subjects over age 65. The moderates who at least once a week were “gardening, washing the car, walking or dancing” and thinking about supporting Mitt in a third party effort “were two and a half times more likely to age healthily.”
The “vigorous” group did 70 percent better. After jogging, aerobics or hill walking once a week they were 3.5 times more likely to be passing up the Lark scooter stand as they strode purposefully into the mall.
But wait, there’s more! The only depressing news in the research is the same muscleheads that intimidated us when we first ventured into the weight room will also be outliving us.
Larry R. Miller writes researchers from Penn State and Columbia University prodded another group of oldsters into a test. These over 65s did strength training twice a week.
The ancient Adonis’ were 46 percent less likely to die from all causes, and if a Lark Scooter hit them in the check out line, their hips were much less likely to shatter.
Even better the ‘roid rage crew outlived all those smug Hollywood wannabes.
The people who have personal trainers holding their legs in the air as pretend to do foreign exercises — something Trump will no doubt put an end to — like “yoga” or “Pilates” in their $300 Chinese outfits.
It all boils down to making a decision: Do you want to die rested and early or later and tired?
It may not be as easy as taking a longevity pill and you do have to leave the house, but there are ways to extend your life. Just ask the greeter.
And be nice, if Walmart is hiring, maybe he’ll put in a good word.
Michael R. Shannon is a commentator, researcher (for the League of American Voters), and an award-winning political and advertising consultant with nationwide and international experience. He is author of "Conservative Christian’s Guidebook for Living in Secular Times (Now with added humor!)." Read more of Michael Shannon's reports — Go Here Now.
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