Big Brother at the Post Office

Who says the United States Postal Service is not on the cutting edge of technology? The mail men are busy mis-sorting letters when they discover other branches of government are “fighting terrorism” by capturing and archiving almost every phone call made in the U.S. since 9/11.

 

So the postal people decide to do their part and start photographing the front and back of every piece of mail that enters the system.

This explains why it takes so long for the mail to be delivered. Your card from grandma is posing for its mug shot.

This new information really puts the entire process of mailing a letter or package in a new light. Everyone is familiar with the American Christmas shopping rite where the family visits the nearest mall for a picture with Santa beside the tree. (Unless you live in some parts of California where it’s called Winter solstice and the photo is with Odin.)

A terrified toddler is perched atop the on-duty Santa’s knee and bursts into tears — as the parents encourage him to smile and silently hope he doesn’t wet his pants and leave Santa with an unwanted memento of the little darling’s visit.

Who would have thought that while your precious child is delivering his list of ultimatums to Santa, somewhere in an undisclosed location a postal clerk is putting letters to Santa on his knee and making photos for Uncle Sam?

This photography on a massive scale is part of the Mail Isolation Control and Tracking (MICT) program. It sounds computerized and automated, which is good if the alternative was a government bureaucrat with a bag of mail sitting in a Chuck E. Cheese photo booth.

Which brings to mind another question: If the USPS has a pictorial record of every piece of mail that enters the system, why can’t they find the cookies that never seem to reach your child in college?

UPS and FedEx can both track packages almost up to the minute, but you have to pay extra for the post office to halfheartedly take a look.

I suppose we should be thankful Uncle Sam isn’t steaming every letter open just in case it might contain details on a terror attack. But wait, couldn’t happen anyway. Steam on an industrial scale of that size would require permits and cooperation from the EPA — an unlikely prospect since some fanatic would claim the steam is contributing to “global warming.” Americans are fortunately safe from that wholesale intrusion.