Research shows that many pet owners have a connection with their animals that is on an emotional par or even greater with those they share with humans. Their pets provide a dependable source of comfort and support when they are stressed. For some people, including isolated seniors, people who have lost trust in humans, and individuals who rely on assistance or therapy animals, the bond is even greater.
The death of such a beloved companion can cause complexity in the grieving process, says Study Finds. Guilt or doubt over a decision to euthanize a cherished animal can complicate grief. For example, research has found that disagreements within families over that decision can be challenging.
While planning to euthanize a pet provides the owner with quality time to spend with the four-legged companion before its passing, not everyone reacts to the process in the same way. Israeli research found that 83% of owners who euthanized their pets felt confident in their decision. On the other hand, a Canadian study revealed that 16% of participants whose pets were euthanized “felt like murderers.” Another American study found that 41% of pet owners felt guilty euthanizing their animals and 4% experienced suicidal feelings.
According to Study Finds, cultural beliefs, the nature and intensity of their relationship, attachment style and personality influence people’s experience with pet euthanasia. It’s harder to mourn the loss of a pet because society doesn’t always recognize or validate the grief. This is called disenfranchised grief, which refers to losses that society doesn’t fully appreciate or ignores. This makes it more difficult to mourn the loss of a pet, at least in public. Family members or coworkers may express their disapproval or even scoff at the depth of your despair and grief.
Therapist Susan Anschuetz, co-founder of the Denver-based nonprofit Human Animal Bond Trust, has led free weekly pet loss support groups for more than 30 years.
“There’s hardly a week that goes by where someone doesn’t say, ‘I was close to my family. When my parents died it was terrible. But I have never felt a loss like this,” she said. “One reason why losing a pet is such a deep loss is because animals’ love is so unconditional and accepting. Every single facet of life is part of the loss. Your cat or dog will sit in the bathroom with you while you take a bath, they’re there 24/7. When we are caretakers for animals, it multiplies the intensity just before they die. It’s like your whole life has been shredded.”
Anschuetz says that although pet lovers can relate to grieving the loss of a four-legged companion as opposed to a human, it is still a disenfranchised grief in today’s society. Comments like “It’s just a dog.” Or “Are you going to get another cat?” can feel hurtful and isolating. “Many who come to the group are people who had this once-in-a-lifetime special bond,” Anschuetz said. “They don’t want to hear about getting another pet. And they shouldn’t until their grief process is done.”
It is important to remember there is no single way to grieve the loss of a pet. Anschuetz says her goal is to help people move through the grief to grow into a richer capacity to love, rather than diminish it into a lesser capacity to love because of fear of loss and pain. “We’re all in this together,” she said.