Before the not-so-glib Texas Gov. Rick Perry's famous “oops” moment, he was remembered to have said that Texas would consider secession from the union if certain leftist programs were implemented nationally.
I started thinking of how sad it would be to lose the great and unique state of Texas, and then I started thinking along another line. Suppose all like-minded common sense types like us went along with Rick Perry and the rest of the Texans?
Now that would be some America, sort of like what we used to be before the left took charge.
Just think – real educational principles could be restored, and our children would actually resume learning things, and these things might could actually be the truth.
Political correctness would be obliterated, as would all traces of multiculturalism, and we would be able to speak and communicate like normal people again.
Satire and irony could be restored, the policy of 'live and let live' would take precedence again, and people would be able to once more actually use their senses of humor.
The ACLU would have to stay behind, as would the ABA and every other legal institution that thrives on the current shysterish and destructive legal practices that truncate life in America in so many ways.
We would be able to make up our own minds about where to send our children to school, what kind of light bulbs to manufacture and to buy, what color car we want, what we would like to eat, for whom to vote, what we would like to read, how many children we would like to have, what doctor we would prefer, and so many other individual decisions that the left currently does not allow us to make, stupid cretins that the left is convinced we are. To ensure this improvement, Michael Bloomberg and all environmentalists will have to stay behind.
We will take Tim Tebow, and they can keep Michael Vick. To make sure that all our beloved canine friends are safe, we would take all the dogs with us. And for good measure, we'll take the cats, too.
Obama's America can keep all the reptiles and rodents of which the PETA types are so protective. And speaking of PETA, in our new America, people can wear fur coats again without the fear of having a can of paint thrown at them. And fois gras can start to be made again, no one will be forced to eat broccoli instead of chocolate, and there would be no vending machines dispensing carrots and equally undesirable "treats." And there will be no turkey, nor any kind other than pork, bacon, allowed in the new United States of America.
I am really liking this new place, but I guess we will have to leave a lot of the people we like in movies behind. Oh well, maybe in the new America's Hollywood, even more fun such types can emerge and they can either perform or direct and be successful without the current McCarthyite atmosphere of old America Hollywood in which an actor risks career destruction if he or she is discovered to be a conservative or a Republican. Movies might start to be made again that people actually like!
In our new America, the subject of race would never again be discussed in any arena, by any person, for any reason, having been done to death in the old, racially obsessed (by the left) America.
Remember how Bill Clinton used to respond to questions he didn't like in his press conferences, and the press prostitutes just went along with it? “Asked and answered. Next question.” Well, that's the new America's response to the race issue.
All African-Americans (a phrase never to be used in our new America; in fact, all hyphenated American descriptions would no longer be allowed) would be welcome in the new non-plantation America; in fact, we would welcome and embrace such inclusion. This America would truly be the free and wonderful place promised to the formerly enslaved after the Civil War.
All the illegal aliens from wherever, mostly Central and Latin American countries, thanks to the legislative machinations of various members of the Kennedy family (they would, of course, would be made to stay behind) — all of them would most likely remain in the old America, which is a shame because there are so many lovely, America-loving people who are in this country illegally but who really do want to figure out a way to make themselves legal.
But in the new America, we wouldn't be funding the illegals' reproduction, housing, education, health services, unemployment, etc. Though how the old America can continue to afford such idiotic and suicidal programs is beyond anyone in the new America, but then again that's their problem, not ours, isn't it?
Susan Smith Mellody has been a magazine columnist, speechwriter, and reporter. She specializes in residential property. For more of her reports — Click Here Now.