Carrie Underwood has opened up about suffering three miscarriages in less than two years — an experience she says left her heartbroken but never once broke her faith in God.
Speaking to People, Underwood explained how the painful ordeal left her wondering whether there was something wrong with her.
"Of course you wonder if it’s you, what am I doing wrong, or what have I done wrong. I remember having conversations with Mike trying to make sense of it all," the 36-year-old country music star said, referring to her husband, Mike Fisher.
On the surface Underwood's life seems like a perfect fairy tale. She launched a successful music career at 22, bagged an impressive win on season four of "American Idol" and then met and married hockey star Fisher, the love of her life, in 2010.
They welcomed their first son, Isaiah Michael, in 2015 and just four months ago their second son, Jacob, was born. But all that good news was alongside heartache: for Underwood it was those three miscarriages.
"I’ve always wanted to be a good daughter to my parents but also to God and not complain, because we are beyond blessed," she told People. "I get to do what I love, I have an incredible family. I have Mike, I have Isaiah, I have great parents. I have all of these amazing people around me, and I don’t want to complain, ever."
Underwood, a devout Christian, said she turned to God for answers.
"But the miscarriages made me get real with God and say, 'OK, I’m kind of giving up a little bit. If this isn’t meant to happen, then I need to accept that and know that someday I’ll understand why.'"
The light in the darkness came not long after, with news about Jacob.
"For the first time, I feel like I actually, I told God how I felt. And I feel, like, we’re supposed to do that. That was like a Saturday – and the Monday I went to the doctor to, like, confirm, another miscarriage. And they told me everything was great!" she recalled in an interview with CBS.
Fast forward to present day and Underwood is embracing the role of motherhood wholeheartedly, and learning important life lessons along the way.
"There is a thing about motherhood that makes you feel like, 'OK, if I can do that, I can do anything,'" she told People. "And I feel like I’m a little older, a little wiser. This isn’t my first rodeo."