Paul McCartney has admitted he still struggles to accept John Lennon's death. It has been 40 years since his former band was fatally shot in New York. Opening up about the assassination to "CBS Sunday Morning," McCartney admitted it was "too much" for him to cope with.
"It's very difficult for me, and I occasionally will have thoughts and sort of say, 'I don't know, why don't I just break down crying every day?' Because it's that bad," the 78-year-old singer-songwriter said, adding that there were times that he did shed tears for Lennon.
"There will be times that I just have memories and just think, 'Oh my God, it was just so senseless,'" he explained.
If Lennon had not been killed that tragic day, McCartney said he would still be writing songs and producing his own music.
"He was showing no signs of slowing up. You know, he was still making great music. The question is, would we have ever got back together again?"
The Beatles split in 1970, when Lennon left the group shortly after marrying Yoko Ono. McCartney was left with two choices; he could continue the band without one of the main songwriters or he could let The Beatles disband. In a previous interview on SiriusXM’s "The Howard Stern Show," he said there was too much "emotional pain" to continue.
"When families break up, it's to do with the emotion and the emotional pain," McCartney said, according to Daily Mail. "You can't just think of a smart idea like that at the time. You're hurting too much so it wasn't going to happen."
Speaking with CBS, McCartney said he could not answer whether or not the band would have reformed if Lennon did not pass away.
"We don't know. We were friends. That was one of the great things about it.," he said. "You know, I don't know how I would've dealt with it. 'Cause I don't think I've dealt with it very well. You know, in a way, you know … I wouldn't be surprised if a psychiatrist would sort of find out that I was slightly in denial. Because it's too much."
Mark David Chapman, a borderline psychotic from Hawaii, shot Lennon four times at close range on Dec. 8, 1980 for what he called "self-glory." The musician was returning home to the Dakota Apartments by Central Park with Yoko Ono. Lennon died on the way to hospital.