I spend a lot of time talking about kissing with my therapy couples. Kissing can keep a relationship “simmering” — full of enticing sexual energy. But only when it’s the right kind of kiss.

What are some of the ingredients of a kiss worth making?

For one thing, it lasts at least a few seconds. Next, it has some energy behind it. Third, both of you savor it.

If your kissing has devolved into little pecks, you are missing the boat and missing the point.

Here are some of the differences:

• A peck feels perfunctory, like your partner is not really paying attention to you.

• A peck is routine, automatic, stripped of meaning.

• A peck is just a greeting, a procedural motion with as much meaning as the “Hi, how are you?” greeting you would give an acquaintance who you pass in the street, but who you don’t really intend to interact with.

• A peck is like “checking off an item on a list.”

In contrast, a good kiss is contact-full. It makes you feel loved, appreciated, and an object of desire.

With a peck, you’d never wonder what will come next.