President Trump had a very good day. He’s very proud – Republicans finally passed his tax bill which means Trump’s about to sign his first major piece of legislation. Yep, his chest was puffed out so far his tie was actually at a normal length. “Wow! It’s actually at my waist!”

But Trump was very happy. He said “we are now pouring rocket fuel into the engine of our economy.” And if you've ever poured rocket fuel into a regular engine, you know it ruins the engine.

There’s been a lot of criticism. I read that only 24 percent of Americans think the GOP tax plan is “good.” To put that in perspective, The Spice Girls movie got a 29 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said that the tax plan is "an all-out looting of America, a wholesale robbery of the middle class." Which incidentally, is also the slogan for Whole Foods.

The University of Pennsylvania, which is Trump’s alma mater, says the tax bill will add 2.2 trillion dollars to the national debt. Trump was like, "Come on - are you really gonna believe a school that let ME graduate? Gimme a break!”

President Trump today congratulated Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for passing the Republican tax plan tweeting quote, “I could have not asked for a better or more talented partner.” McConnell was so touched, his neck pouch blushed.

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio visited Iowa yesterday. He actually meant to visit Queens but the F Train got rerouted.

A couple in Tennessee recently gave birth to a baby from an embryo that was frozen 24 years ago. Which explains why its first word was “Wazzzzzupppppp!”

Arby’s is giving away hoodies and sweatpants that are covered in photos of meat that they are calling “meat sweats.” Incidentally, “Meet Sweats” is how President Trump introduces Marco Rubio. “Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Sweats!”