Holly Madison Pondered Suicide While Living at Playboy Mansion

Holly Madison contemplated committing suicide while living in the Playboy Mansion, she reveals in an upcoming memoir that throws a different light on what it was like being part of Hugh Hefner's harem at one of the world's most famous residences.

Madison became famous as one of Hefner's three girlfriends along with Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson – all at the same time – for five seasons in the E! Network reality series "The Girls Next Door," noted Us Weekly. The series ended in 2010.

In her book, "Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny," Madison describes her time in the Playboy Mansion as a "nightmare," according to a release from HarperCollins Publishers. The Oregon native talks about how the life of sex, drugs and abuse left her reeling at times.

The book is due out on June 23.

"What seemed like a fairytale life inside the Playboy Mansion — including A-list celebrity parties and her own No. 1-rated television show for four years — quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies," the release said.

"After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide," the release said.

Madison, 35, who is now married to Pasquale Rotella and has a daughter, also starred in the E! Network series "Holly's World" from 2009 to 2011.

"I’m excited to finally share my story and what I’ve learned from my personal experiences both inside and outside of the Playboy Mansion," Madison told Us Weekly. "I think my stories will surprise people and I’m looking forward to lifting the veil of mystique and clearing up the misconceptions so often associated with my life."

Madison was working as a Hawaiian Tropic girl when a friend of Hugh Hefner invited her to party at the Playboy Mansion where she met Hefner became his "No. 1 girlfriend" in 2002, according to TV Guide. Three years later, she became one of the three female leads of the "The Girls Next Door" series.

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