You, Only Better . . . Just Not Too Much Better
We gravitate to others who are similar to ourselves. But there is a limit to the allure.
Most of us can relate to the positive sentiment associated with meeting someone from our hometown, who worked at the same company, went to the same high school, or even shares our birthday.
Sure enough, research corroborates the fact that in many circumstances, similarity is attractive. Similarly may be particularly attractive when it involves having the same characteristics both personally and professionally, including interests, abilities, and intellect.
But, when it comes to social comparison, can there be too much of a good thing?
Research reveals one possible answer.
Similarity Breeds Attraction and Interaction
From paramours to peers, classmates to co-workers, similarity breeds attraction.
Common ground creates both conversation and chemistry, both personally and professionally. Social cliques and online communities are often based on common interests, goals, and passions, as people seek to affiliate with others who have characteristics in common.
But is there a point when collaboration becomes competition?
Researchers have studied this issue, seeking the sweet spot between similarity, and superiority.
Similarity as a Double Edged Sword
Zeynep Cemalcilar et al. (in 2018) investigated the effects of actual and perceived similarity across different modes of communication. Specifically, they examined the impact of impressions of personality traits on social attraction after either a brief face-to-face encounter, or on Facebook.
They found that perceivers are more attracted to others who they see as "better versions" of themselves, but also found that too much discrepancy inhibits attraction, especially in a face-to-face setting.
The analysis by Cemalcilar et al. (ibid.) found perceived similarity to be a more significant predictor of attraction than actual similarity, and that people are more likely to anchor impressions of others during face-to-face interactions.
But one of their most interesting findings was that people desire to interact with others who complement themselves, but not with others who threaten their sense of self-evaluation. In their words, perceivers seek out people who are slightly but "not too much better versions" of themselves.
The Social Comparison Comfort Zone
In explaining their findings, Cemalcilar et al. (supra) also discuss two frameworks relating to first impressions: the similarity-attraction hypothesis and the self-expansion hypothesis.
They note that social comparison theory suggests that people seek to enhance their own sense of self-esteem by "engaging in upward comparison" with others who are similar to themselves — up to a point. Cemalcilar et al. (supra) recognize a "comfort zone" when interacting with others who are perceived to be better than we are, because if we perceive others as too far superior, we may suffer ego-deflation.
They conclude that in light of the goals of self-affirmation and self-enhancement, people seek to associate with others who complement themselves, but do not threaten their sense of self-evaluation.
The sweet spot appears to represent a state of benevolent similarity that breeds collaboration, not competition.
Accordingly, both socially and professionally, we are well advised to celebrate similarity with humility.
The preceding article was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of its author.
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.
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