You Can Get Happy! Look Within!
When asked what you would wish for if you could have anything, many people rattle off the short list: money, perfect health, a blissful marriage, etc.
Yet when we think about it carefully, one of the things most people crave above and beyond their circumstances, involves a mindset.
One of life’s most precious goals, especially during times of personal challenge, is achieving true happiness.
Thankfully, this goal is attainable.
The road to happiness begins within.
In line with biblical wisdom advising us to look not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4) and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39), research reveals the same concept.
Focus on Yourself and Others
Yunxiang Chen (2023) explored the link between self and other-focus within the context of socializing and achieving well-being.
The study recognized self-focused and other-focused caring as autonomy and pro-sociality respectively, seeking to compare the impact on happiness and life satisfaction.
Chen identified four distinct groups: autonomous: high self-focused and low other-focused, prosocial: low self-focused and high other-focused, flourished: high self-focused and high other-focused, and indifferent: low self-focused and low other-focused.
Results showed the flourished group had the highest levels of happiness and life satisfaction, followed in order by the autonomous group, the prosocial group, and the indifferent group.
Chen concludes that apparently, people with high self-focus who also exhibit high other-focused caring enjoy the highest level of well-being.
Mentor Motive Matters
Other research has examined self-versus other focus within the realm of mentoring. Yongmei Liu et al. (2021), studied both formal and informal mentoring relationships to determine how relational focus impacts mentoring outcomes.
Informal mentoring relationships are of particular interest because when companies or organizations lack formal structure or policies dedicated to career development, supervisors and peers often become unofficial mentors to new employees.
As a result of their research, Liu at el. (ibid.) suggest that perhaps not surprisingly, self-focused motivation prompts self-focused behaviors.
They explain that such behaviors are characterized by a higher degree of sensitivity to instrumental rewards, selective relationship initiation, and a calculated approach to relationship investment, creating outcomes that primarily benefit the mentor.
They note that other-focused motives create other-focused behaviors, which include lower sensitivity to instrumental rewards, a greater amount of inclusivity in relational initiation, and a less calculated approach to relationship investment, creating a broader range of outcomes beneficial to individuals as well as the larger organization.
Loving Others As Well as Yourself
Both mentors and volunteers of all types can relate to the fact that it is impossible to focus on your own problems when you are actively helping someone else.
Some philanthropically minded enthusiasts joke that despite problems in their personal lives, diverting attention to others is a prescription for emotional health.
So, if the ideal balance for personal wellness includes a bit of both worlds, a recipe for success likely includes a healthy dose of self-love combined with an altruistic focus on the needs of others.
This column was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of its author.
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.
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