Are Your Professional Pursuits Attractive to a Partner?

The Attraction of Ambition: How Your Partner Views Your Professional Pursuits 

"So, what do you do?"

Common getting-to-know-your conversation topics include all of the basics, where are you from, what do you do, and an exploration of interests and values.

People connect over a wide range of common ground, and often more strongly when they share unique interests.

But what type of bonding occurs between couples who are still in school, do not have regular employment, or are unemployed?

According to research, when it comes to building romance, ambition can impact courtship.

How Professional Interests Impact Personal Relationships

Katarina Banov et al. (2023) studied the impact of vocational interests in selecting a romantic partner.

Examining a sample of 215 heterosexual romantic partners, they explored the prevalence of positive assortment: when partners are more similar than would be predicted by chance, and negative assortment: when couples have disparate characteristics.

They recognize that degree of assortment is impacted by different characteristics: demographic differences such as race, education, and age result in high correlations of positive assortment, moderate assortment is linked to abilities, values, and intelligence, and modest to low assortment has been linked to physical characteristics.

Banov et al. (ibid.) sought to link the persone-nvironment fit theory of vocational interests romantic partner selection.

Banov et al. (supra) found that the observed assortment for vocational interests emerged as an independent preference, rather than a by-product of assortment pursuant to the five-factor personality traits.

Comparing different interests, such as social, realistic, and artistic, they discovered the highest assortment was for Investigative interests — involving a preference for research.

They note that investigative interests have been linked to a higher risk of work-family conflict, a tendency of marrying later in life, but also to the relationship satisfaction of both partners.

They describe their study as corroborating the recognition of the interpersonal relevance of this type of interest.

Practical Impact of Professional Plans

As a practical matter, vocational interests matter in several other areas as well, especially if prospective partners are linked through investigative interests.

Here are a few:

Life Satisfaction

Similar interests spark satisfaction. You won’t find an executive eying the corner office dating a couch potato — at least not for very long.

Unless the home-bound partner is an ambitious teleworker, what might begin with attraction ends with resentment — manifested through unkind words, a condescending attitude, and behavior to match.

The Gift of Time.

Couples with similar work schedules are better able to plan "date nights" or other private time off the clock.

Having similar vocational interests encourages the likelihood of couples attending activities together in pursuit of job selection, such as networking mixers, lectures, job fairs, or other events they can attend as a couple.

Unique Appreciation

Prospective partners with similar career goals, especially in the realm of research, likely share a love of learning.

Professional development is a romantic team sport when partners support each other in a common endeavor.

Mutual Respect

In an ideal world, partners would respect each other regardless of personal or professional goals. In the real world, mutual values strengthen mutual respect.

Similar ambitions, as long as you are not competing for the same job, prompt encouragement, inspiration, and mutual admiration.

So whether you are already employed or eyeing professional prospects, consider the value of spending time with like-minded professionals in waiting.

Vocational interests comprise fertile relationship common ground which can be planted and harvested together.

This article was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of its author.

Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.