Are Older Women in Nightclubs Desperate?

Stereotype of Age at the Nightclub

Going out together at night is a routine social activity for young women.

From swanky restaurants to trendy dance clubs, young people often comprise the majority of patrons, especially after a certain time when the older crowd has gone home.

Not because of less energy, but different priorities.

So how do we perceive individuals who are out past "curfew?" And when it comes to participating in nightlife, especially for women, how old is too old?

Is There Age-Appropriate Nightlife for Older Women?

First of all, as people are healthier and more fitness-conscious, "older" is chronologically older all of the time. Turning a certain age doesn’t mean trading in your dancing shoes for a bingo card. But, it might mean changes in the way you are viewed by others.

Many people are familiar with the iconic character Samantha Jones from the HBO series "Sex in the City," famous for breaking societal norms of aging women with her bold ambition and sexuality.

But do most people consider those character traits attractive?

Or are older women who spend Friday night at a night club instead of a book club viewed through a harsher lens?

Research has some answers.

Kristine Vaadal (2022) examined both practice and perception of aging women who participate in nightlife.

Drawing from sexual scripting theory, Vaadal investigated how 19 Norwegian women ranging in age from 27 to 34 negotiated cultural scripts analyzing their nightlife experiences with age.

She concluded that age-related cultural scripts enabled participants to share examples of sexual disempowerment, reflecting research on nightlife-related gendered sexual interaction which demonstrated how mainstream nightlife still carries a sexual double standard.

As a practical matter, Vaadal (ibid.) explained that participating in nightlife can be disempowering for women, who are "more easily placed in the position of sexual objects."

She notes that even the desire to participate in nightlife was frequently viewed as "unwanted," and that being sexually agentic was experienced as embarrassing or shameful.

Although Vaadal (supra) recognized the existence of alternative scripts for female sexuality, she recognized that continued participation in nightlife appeared to be linked with "failed femininity," due to the expectation of partnering up with increased age.

She notes that accordingly, aging women who continue to participate in nightlife may indicate a lack of desirability as women and partners.

Desirable or Desperate?

Women who engage in nightlife after a certain age may also be personally misunderstood by prospective paramours.

They may be out to celebrate the retirement, promotion, or birthday of a friend or colleague, not to find a date. But that is not always the way their presence is perceived.

Stereotypes might become even more pronounced when a woman actually happens to meet someone interesting.

Vaadal (supra) shares the experience of a 27-year-old who met a man in a nightlife environment who announced before they ever became intimate, "Hey, I’m not interested in a relationship."

The woman thought to herself, "Do you think all 27-year-old women are after that?" Consider the dynamic and perception if the woman had been 47 instead of 27.

Smart Scene Selection Can Secure Satisfaction

With age comes wisdom.

Women who know what they're looking for in a partner know where to look.

As they age, it might not be in a nightclub — where it's difficult to see anyway.

There are plenty of dynamite daytime alternatives to meeting new friends and prospective paramours. From churches to concerts, beach barbecues and neighborhood block parties, there are plenty of lively venues for older individuals looking for love — if they are even looking.

This article was originally published in Psychology Today and is used with the permission of its author.

Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.