- Why Some People are Still Single
- How to Celebrate Flying Solo
- Predictors of Involuntary Singlehood
We just observed and celebrated another Valentine’s Day.
When it comes around and stores are covered with red and pink hearts and floral decorations, singles consider their status.
Some are delighted to be uncommitted, dodging the responsibility of coordinating dinner reservations, ordering flowers, and engaging in the flurry of plans the annual holiday for lovers entails.
But . . . for solos who are single but searching, walking through aisles of romantically themed-gifts and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates is bittersweet.
Unlike singles comfortable with their status, others would like to be in a relationship.
Will it ever happen? Research reveals some of the predictors.
Yes --- Some are Actually Single by Circumstance, Not by Choice
Menelaos Apostolou and Elli Michaelidou (2024) investigated why some people have trouble attracting romantic partners.
Employing a sample of 1,432 participants, they examined the impact of 17 predictors of what they term involuntary singlehood.
Breaking down the results by gender, they found some common ground.
For women, a higher probability of being involuntarily single was associated with factors including poor flirting ability, elevated choosiness, and having a low level of agreeableness. A high level of choosiness was also associated with having been single for a greater number of years.
For the men, Apostolou and Michaelidou (ibid.) found that poor flirting capacity was also a factor, as well as a higher level of neuroticism, and two self-reflection categories: lower self-esteem and lower self-perceived mate value.
Additionally, they found that low self-perceived mate value, poor flirting capacity, and lower mating effort were associated with more years being single.
Many singles wonder how having children from prior relationships factors into the mix.
Apostolou and Michaelidou (supra) looked at this as well, finding that men (but not women) with children from past relationships were more likely to be coupled up than single.
They suggest that one explanation could be time related, noting that men with children would generally have more time than women with children to devote to mating efforts, due to having less child custody.
Although obviously this is not always true because some men have sole custody of their children, it highlights the significance of simply having time available to devote to dating and developing a relationship.
Yet many people flying solo experience dark clouds of loneliness, instead of considering the silver lining. There are in fact many benefits to being single.
- The Silver Lining of Singlehood
Singles enjoy an array of advantages that relational partners do not. Here are a few.
Singles have the freedom to budget their day according to their own agenda. Avoiding the complications of juggling conflicting calendars, dueling appointments, or joint social obligations avoids the stress and anxiety of contemporary coupledom in a fast-paced world. The luxury of streamlining one’s schedule avoids social chaos and creates contentment.
Responsible, loving partners put each other first. Yet daily routines that revolve around taking care of significant others can result in self-neglect and self-sacrifice. Just as flight attendants remind us to put our own masks on first before assisting others, singles can focus on taking care of themselves, so they will be in their best shape to care for others.
- When Flying Solo, the Sky is the Limit
Singles can freely make future plans. Unencumbered with the complications of coordinating schedules with a partner, singles can consider opportunities, and take them. Calendar control creates hope and excitement considering the world full of opportunities and adventures awaiting singles able to take flight.
While many singles enjoy the advantages of their solo lifestyle, those who are looking for a mate should consider that when the right person comes along, they will be confidently ready to step out, having benefited from the time spent cultivating their best self.
This article was originally published in Psychology Today and is used with the permission of its author.
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.
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