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Tags: value | creation | behaviors
OPINION

Do You Talk Too Much? How Less Can Be More

pushing the reset button on talking too much
(Niall Wiggan/Dreamstime.com)

Wendy L. Patrick By Saturday, 17 December 2022 07:19 AM EST Current | Bio | Archive

Think Before You Speak — How Listening Enhances Relationships

As a trial lawyer, I speak for a living.

Yet over 25 years of advocacy have taught me that listening is often equally, if not more important. You may appreciate this truth if you have ever had laryngitis.

Being forced to hit the mute button requires you to resort to alternative, slower ways to communicate. This does not mean resorting to one knock for yes, two for no unless you are only asked closed-ended questions cross-examination style.

More likely, without a voice, you are going to spend more time listening, write out your response, and find yourself with time to think — and often think twice.

Accordingly, silence can enhance your ability to engage in thoughtful conversation, which can build rapport and strengthen relationships.

Silence Solidifies Relationships and Creates Value

We warn social media users to pause before you post; we should also advise each other to think before you speak.

The biblical wisdom in the book of James (Ch. 1 v.19) encouraging us to be "quick to hear, slow to speak" illustrates the power of restraint, allowing us to first accurately perceive the information to which we will be responding.

Because arguments are often characterized by an inability to consider the other person’s perspective, silence increases the chances that we will be responding to what someone actually said.

Research reveals that there may be additional benefits to the intentional use of silence. Jared R. Curhan et al. (2022) studied the impact of extended silence and deliberative mindset on creating value in negotiation.

They tested two perspectives, an internal reflectionperspective where silence prompts mental deliberation which prompts value creation, and a social perception perspective, where silence leads to intimidation and claiming value.

They found, among other things, a direct link between naturally occurring silent pauses of at least three seconds duration, and value creation behaviors and outcomes.

They further found that instructing one or both negotiating parties to use extended silence creates value.

In explaining this effect, they note that additional research illustrated that using extended silence in negotiation is evidence of greater deliberative mindset, one of the factors associated with value creation.

Curhan et al. (ibid.)conclude that taken together, their findings are consistent with the internal reflection perspective, where extended silence increases the creation of value through interrupting what they describe as "default, fixed-pie thinking," and promoting a more deliberative mindset.

Regarding status differences between the parties, they found that when status differences are significant, the use of silence by parties with higher status creates value, where the use of silence by parties with less status parties does not.

Within relationships, business or personal, it appears that silence not only gives you precious time to think but facilitates an appropriate and affirming response, which will make your conversation partner feel heard.

With this basic communication dynamic in play, you can be on your way to developing a healthy, productive relationship, in any context.

This article was originally published in Psychology Today

Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.

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WendyLPatrick
Within relationships, business or personal, it appears that silence not only gives you precious time to think but facilitates an appropriate and affirming response, which will make your conversation partner feel heard.
value, creation, behaviors
551
2022-19-17
Saturday, 17 December 2022 07:19 AM
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